Unicorns do not eat Chinese

Since their first win of the year, the Unicorns of the Apocalypse have been involved in many fierce encounters with a variety of foes.

*This is part 2 of a 3-day blog series that catches fans up with the Unicorns' progress over the last few weeks.

Foe #2: P.F. Chang's Warriors

Many players on the Unicorns of the Apocalypse, when in their human form, love Chinese food.  When in their Unicorn form, they can eat Chinese food, but they cannot, however, eat Asian Fusion food.  In fact, they choke on it pretty hard.  Though VBC Softball has faced P.F. Chang's Warriors many times in the past, both as the Unicorns and as The Legion of Fistpumping Turtles, they always seem to come out winless (e.g., last year).  This year was no different.  "Must be some kind of allergy," coach Greg Weaver explained, "and I know a thing or two about allergies."

Due to the absence of many of the Unicorns (likely due to their fear of many things fusion), the first game was open to the slaughter rule.  Luckily, though, long-time colleague of a couple 'corns, Scherry McCartney, showed up to play first base and thus canceled said rule in the second game, making the teams play the required five innings and therefore extending the torture of being utterly ripped apart.  McCartney, who brought with her two whom would cheer, would go 0-2 with a walk and a run in the series.  Mentionable highlights of the second game include homeruns by the Weaver brothers, but ultimately, though they batted an MLB-excellent 14 for 31 (.452), they could not string together their hits to counteract the potent offense of the Warriors.

Team Leaders (week of May 14th)

Unicorns hold on to Cobras

Since their first win of the year, the Unicorns of the Apocalypse have been involved in many fierce encounters with a variety of foes.

*This is part 1 of a 3-day blog series that catches fans up with the Unicorns' progress over the last few weeks.

Foe #1: Busch Cobras

The Unicorn can be both the most fragile of creatures and the fiercest of creatures.  Typically, the Unicorns of the Apocalypse, while inherently having a nature that can effectively end the world at any given moment, start out a two-game series as the former and end with the latter.  Example: Coming off of a 12-run win, the Unicorns mustered a total of two hits in the first two innings this, their next game, and came out with only four runs.  Their M.O., apparently, is to lead teams in to make them think they are just fragile little 'corns (thus the allowance of 11 runs in the first inning and VBC Softball veteran Joanna Niles suffering a strained oblique while in the field in the bottom of the 1st) until they unleash their nuclear power, as evidenced by their 5-run first inning in the second game.  Reigning MVPs Kevin "Magi-Carp" Carpenter and Elisabeth Edge returned to add to the fallout, allowing the Unicorns to spit out the venom that caused their first loss and ending their match with the Cobras in a draw.

Wins: 1
Losses: 2
Ties: 1

Go, Unicorns!

Team Leaders (week of May 7th)

The Rapture is finally upon us--Unicorns WIN!!!

A little before 9pm on Monday night, high above field #1 at Red Mill Park, clouds parted and a vision appeared.

Yes, you're seeing that correctly.  Jesus himself reappeared atop a majestic Unicorn.  Though our jerseys may show a midnight black 'corn cackle-neighing in the foreground of an atomic blast, this unicorn was a sure sign of The Rapture--the apocalypse of all apocalypses.  And it could only have come as a result of the most unlikely turn of events.

Read carefully, True Believers: The Unicorns won.

And not only did they win once, their potent offense kept the other team on their toes for the other game.

Unicorns' Inaugural Year Ends with Low Runs but High Spirits

            “We didn’t expect this season to be easy, but we sure didn’t expect this record,” Skipper Greg Weaver commented after the Unicorns fell in their last two games to end the season 0-14.  “Then again, it’s not a surprising outcome, us being VBC and all.  That’s just how we roll.”

            It was baffling to the Unicorns that the game went as poorly as it did, though.  Essentially, the Carroll Truckers were just hitting it exactly where the Unicorns weren’t—there weren’t an usual number of errors made.  Yet, somehow, the Unicorns lost the first game 28-2, and lost the second game (y=|X|+28)-1, where Y is a number greater than the Truckers’ run total in the first game and X is an unknown variable approaching infinite. 

The dreaded base-on-balls wasn’t even a harsh factor in the games.  B-Weave posted only five walks in the first game.  That number was his second best all season.  But, he gave up 28 hits.  While that total is cringe-inducing, the second game was even worse—so much so, in fact, that the run total gave the skipper temporary memory loss while he was in the field, resulting in a lack of any records of MagiCarp’s pitching. 

To put the strangeness in perspective, the Truckers, the team that placed third, outhit the second-place team at a ratio of 2.5 to 1.  The numbers were closer to the first-place team: 19 for the first game and 27 for the second versus 28 and z=|X|, where z has an error margin of approximately 5.  The first-place team in the division was the one that was made up of Krakens.  In short, the games were simply unbelievable.  Interviewing the Unicorns led to the following possible explanations:

Mythical Kraken Robs Hits, Unicorns Come Out Alive

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” – Nietzsche

“But more importantly we didn’t get killed.” – Nietzsche’s Unicorn

Bob "Dad" Weaver played with the two
original VBC Softball teams, the Yetis
and the Werewolves.  He returned to action
with the Unicorns on September 12th. 

     The Unicorns took the field against the EVW Highwaymen at Princess Anne Field Red #2 at 6:45pm one girl short and spirits waning.  Only nine Unicorns were available at the start of the game, the 12-run rule was in effect, and they were against the team tied for first in the division.  The end result: two decently-played games.

     Prior the games, there were deliberations on how changes should be made to the lineups and to the fielding positions.  LF Larry Strait likes to call the outcome the “all-girl infield”—an idea meant to bolster our outfield, especially in games against teams that place high in the division.  There were two key moves: moving Romeo Villanueva from RC to 1B and solidifying Rachel Matteo at SS.

     Villanueva has been getting better in the outfield game-by-game.  When positioned well, he makes excellent snags and is consistently a solid groundball fielder.  However, the RC position seemed to be a position better fit for someone who could cover more ground.  Not only does the fielder have to have the ability to quickly chase down balls that may go over his or her head or get down well in front, s/he also has to back up the player in RF.  Villanueva now, when in the lineup, takes place of Nicholas Wasilewski, the fastest player on the team, at 1B.  This positioning inherently breaks the tag “all-girl” (as does the pitcher position), but the name continues to stick.

     Matteo proved her glove worthy of an infield position during the games versus Rewire.  During that series, she played 3B and made many good stops.  To incorporate her in the infield with other solely-infield players such as Rianna Hoffman and Elisabeth Edge, Greg Weaver, who had been playing SS since the spring, was moved into the outfield.  Matteo’s proof of worthiness for the position was capped when she turned a season-first double-play in the second game.

     With the new defense, the Unicorns and pitcher Bobby Weaver held the first-place team to 13 runs in the first game and 9 in the second, the team’s two lowest earned-run totals of the season.

     Unfortunately, the EVW Highwaymen would not take lightly to our defense.  To counter it, they summoned the Silencer of Seamen, Terror of the Tides, the Un-doer of the Unborn: the Cankerous Kraken.  In the first game, he was involved in 9 of the 12 outs; in the second, 7 of 21.  He stood 6’7”.  Limbs seemed to spout from every orifice of his being, all of them fortified with gloves.  He was a monster at limiting runs through his inconceivable range and quickness of arm.

     Other members of the Highwaymen revealed themselves to be giant squid as well, as it seemed that 80% of the males were over six-feet tall.  These squid lowered significantly the batting averages of the Unicorns—the team went .253/.331/.273 in the series.  If one created a line using the lowest numbers of all of the other series combined, it would read .401/.451/.533.  If one created a line using the lowest numbers of all of the series in franchise history, it would read .355/.403/.475.  Ouch.

Notes
- VBC Softball welcomed back veteran Bob Weaver, father of B-Weave and Greaver, as he made his first appearance as a Unicorn, filling in for Greaver, who was dealing with a jammed thumb, in the second game.  He went 0 for 2 batting, but posted a perfect fielding percentage at 1B, getting 5 batters out.
- B-Weave and Kevin MagiCarpenter continued to impress while pitching, making their way out of the candidacy for this season’s Sigh Young award.  B-Weave lowered his WHIP to 4.63 and struck three out while MagiCarp lowered his own WHIP to 4.50 and struck out four.

Team Leaders, Week of 8/12

Males

AVG/OBP/SLG: B-Weave (AVG leader; .647/.684/1.000) and MagiCarp (OBP/SLG leader; .643/.688/1.143) continue to battle for the top spot.

RBI: Carpenter continues his dominance, moving up to 11 for the season.

Females

AVG/OBP/SLG: The squids caught everyone’s balls, and the ladies are no exceptions.  Edge holds the AVG (.333), “Real Time” Rianna Hoffman holds the OBP (.438), and Matteo holds the SLG (.385).

RBI: Lanah Stafford pulls out on top with 3.

After Sixth Straight Loss, Unicorns Attempt Reform

The Incredible Hulkicorn attempts to smash Rewire.
Notice that they're all still smiling.
(edit: Leslie Paxton proclaims that Hulkicorn is in fact ready to
"slake his thirst" upon Rewire)

The good news: The Unicorns are noting and fixing their problems.

The bad news: They didn't do it in time to face a team with a losing record that was once just as bad as theirs is.

     Kevin Carpenter, known to two as MagiCarp, took the mound for the first time last week.  The week prior, he told Coach Weaver that he was a little bashful about pitching in a game since the last time he pitched (which was for a different team) he was told that he was a terrible pitcher.  His feeling on the matter led Weaver to start Rianna Hoffman that week, but after those games, Weaver could not afford not to play Carpenter against Rewire.

     The result: six innings, a 4.17 ERA, and a WHIP of 4.17--the second best start of the season.  Carpenter was able to successfully locate and pitch to contact most of the time, and when contact wasn't made, he struck out more than he walked.  Only five walks were issued--a season high--and eight strikeouts were recorded--a franchise high.  In one game, he was able to compete with some of the best performances by Hoffman at her prime last season.

Unicorns Walk in X^n Runs, Proceed to Summon Earthquake

            The moral of the story, as one Unicorn put it on Monday night, is to never take the lead in the first. 

In three out of four games played thus far, the Unicorns have taken the lead in said inning, only to lose it later on.  On this particular Monday night, Coach Greg Weaver sent Rianna “Real Time” Hoffman out to the mound to pitch her first game since mid-July, where she had a relatively mediocre outing against a tough team, ZDUB Softball.  He thought the mental rest over the break and the Unicorns’ first two games would be sufficient time to get Hoffman back closer to her mid-spring form despite Hoffman not being able to warm up for very long between her arrival and the bottom of the first.  “She was only able to throw a few pitches to me before she went out there.  They looked good and I was confident she’d settle in, but it just wasn't working tonight,” he said in a post-game interview.

Game Preview for 8/22/11

Unicorns of the Apocalypse @P.F. Chang's Warriors

Princess Anne Athletic Complex Field Red #3

6:45-8:45pm

     After last week's valiant efforts to defeat That's What She Said went fruitless, the Unicorns take on P.F. Chang's Warriors for a doubleheader Monday night.  The Warriors are currently 2-0, beating Carroll Truckers last week.  However, as seen in a previous post, the spring's P.F. Chang's team went 0-14, so there is a solid chance that the Unicorns could pull out a win.  Expect the season debuts of the acclaimed Larry Strait and Nathan Anderson.

Lineup is TBD.

Last Week's Team Leaders

Males

AVG/OBP/SLG:  Coach Greg Weaver leads the team with .800s across the board.  Greaver is bested only in SLG at the moment with his brother Bobby Weaver unsurprisingly besting him at 1.000.  B-Weaver continues to be reliable at getting extra-base hits, landing two last Monday night.

Despite First-Inning Magic, Unicorns Gracefully Lose Season Opener

If the Unicorns of the Apocalypse were as magical as,
saaaay, this here burrito unicorn, Monday night
may have ended differently.

     It was probably one of VBC Softball’s most glorious innings in the last year and a half. 

     After having lost to That’s What She Said all three times in the first part of 2011 (3-12, 4-15, 5-11), the Unicorns fielded a two-hit, two-walk first inning that saw two runs cross the plate.  The Unicorns responded with a monster seven-hit, one-walk inning that saw seven cross the plate.  To put that in perspective, in only four out of fifteen games last season did the Unicorns score seven or more runs.  The Unicorns were ecstatic and continued playing well defensively, with Romeo Villanueva taking one knee to make a crucial catch in left-center and rookie Kevin Carpenter diving low to make his own web gem in left.

Spring 2011 Superlatives Part 2

Sarah Redfield (CF/2B):

Team Sister

            Everyone enjoys the fact that Sarah comes out to hang with us during our games, regardless if she gets the chance to play or not.  She’s good at giving tips, cheering us, and quietly heckling the other teams while keeping score well.  Thanks!

Divided Loyalties

            Unfortunately, Sarah is on another softball team, and while we would never play her team, the question may arise of who she would root for in the situation that we would in fact play them in a scrimmage.  Hmmmmmmm...!

Unicorns' DL Stint Continues

This season has a been a rather unlucky one for the Unicorns, who have seen a remarkable number of injuries this year, half of which have been caused by other players in the game.

The latest to fall victim to the disabled list is veteran Romeo Villanueva, who had a fateful collision with Alaina Coletti on Monday night's game against the Stunners. Villanueva (RC) and Coletti (LC) were both trying to chase down a ball that was hit right in between them. A communication error allowed them to run directly into each other. Villanueva, who has taken a number of hits already this season, finally broke and has suffered a bruised rib, putting him out for the rest of the season.