Thursday, June 7, 2012

Unicorns do not eat Chinese

Since their first win of the year, the Unicorns of the Apocalypse have been involved in many fierce encounters with a variety of foes.

*This is part 2 of a 3-day blog series that catches fans up with the Unicorns' progress over the last few weeks.

Foe #2: P.F. Chang's Warriors

Many players on the Unicorns of the Apocalypse, when in their human form, love Chinese food.  When in their Unicorn form, they can eat Chinese food, but they cannot, however, eat Asian Fusion food.  In fact, they choke on it pretty hard.  Though VBC Softball has faced P.F. Chang's Warriors many times in the past, both as the Unicorns and as The Legion of Fistpumping Turtles, they always seem to come out winless (e.g., last year).  This year was no different.  "Must be some kind of allergy," coach Greg Weaver explained, "and I know a thing or two about allergies."

Due to the absence of many of the Unicorns (likely due to their fear of many things fusion), the first game was open to the slaughter rule.  Luckily, though, long-time colleague of a couple 'corns, Scherry McCartney, showed up to play first base and thus canceled said rule in the second game, making the teams play the required five innings and therefore extending the torture of being utterly ripped apart.  McCartney, who brought with her two whom would cheer, would go 0-2 with a walk and a run in the series.  Mentionable highlights of the second game include homeruns by the Weaver brothers, but ultimately, though they batted an MLB-excellent 14 for 31 (.452), they could not string together their hits to counteract the potent offense of the Warriors.

Team Leaders (week of May 14th)

AVG/OBP/SLG/OPS: With Cahill and Magi-Carp unavailable and practically untouchable, it's more fair to mention the next couple in the running.  Rookie Josh Fisher comes out on top with .727/.667/1.182/1.848, leading all the categories except SLG, in which the Weaver brothers are tied with 1.235.

RBI: The Weaver brothers are neck-and-neck, Greaver having 7 and B-Weave having 6.

AVG/OBP/SLG/OPS: Lanah Stafford continues her reign, and with an XBH she improves her line to .750/.750/.813/1.563

RBI: Stafford bolted ahead of Kendra Stancell and now boasts 6, tying with B-Weave and showing no signs of stopping.


  1. You know a thing or a bunch about allergies!

    Asian Fusion, boooooo!! Maybe the trick to defeat them is...Sriracha?

    1. I was thinking more like soju. Most of them were white, I think, so they probably don't know 'bout no soju!!