Unicorns slay Dragons for second season victory

Since their first win of the year, the Unicorns of the Apocalypse have been involved in many fierce encounters with a variety of foes.

*This is the final part of a 3-day blog series that catches fans up with the Unicorns' progress over the last few weeks.

Foe #3: Dragons

Three Mondays ago, the Unicorns of the Apocalypse took the field not knowing what to expect from their opponents, the Dragons.  Dubbed "The Series of Mythical Beasts" or "Battle of Mythical Creatures" by non-believers, the Unicorns were in for their most gruesome battle yet.

The series didn't start out so well, as the Unicorns saw their leadoff man, and one of their best hitters, strike out, their two-hole hitter fly out, and then, following a single, saw the final out made on a fielder's choice.  After the first was over, though, the Unicorns polished off their horns and charged, scoring nine runs highlighted by a grand slam by Magi-Carp and a solo shot by Greaver.  They didn't stop in the third either, as Ryan Cahill blasted his own homerun and the bottom of the batting order, lead by returning VBC Softball elite Romeo Villanueva, all got on base so that the top of the order could bring them all home.  For two consecutive innings, the batting order had been cycled through once.

Every 'corn was merciless over those innings, but the Dragons were not going to go down without launching their own huge balls of fire.  When the smoke cleared, the Dragons outlasted the Unicorns and won 19 to 17.

Enraged, the Unicorns took the field again only to use their trump card: nuclear fusion.  Picking up right where they left off, the Unicorns scored four in the first.  The Dragons responded with scoring four of their own to tie it, but in the end the radiation was just too much for them to stand--the Unicorns stood victorious for the second time this season, besting their foes 12 to 7.

The series was easily the greatest series played in the history of the Unicorns of the Apocalypse.  Sometimes their enemies are clearly in the wrong league, but the Dragons, a foe truly worthy of tying with the Unicorns, showed that they, too, belong in Virginia Beach's Duffer league.

Wins: 2

Ties: 1

Losses: Who cares!?  We've won 2 and tied 1!  Neigh!

Team Leaders

Unicorns do not eat Chinese

Since their first win of the year, the Unicorns of the Apocalypse have been involved in many fierce encounters with a variety of foes.

*This is part 2 of a 3-day blog series that catches fans up with the Unicorns' progress over the last few weeks.

Foe #2: P.F. Chang's Warriors

Many players on the Unicorns of the Apocalypse, when in their human form, love Chinese food.  When in their Unicorn form, they can eat Chinese food, but they cannot, however, eat Asian Fusion food.  In fact, they choke on it pretty hard.  Though VBC Softball has faced P.F. Chang's Warriors many times in the past, both as the Unicorns and as The Legion of Fistpumping Turtles, they always seem to come out winless (e.g., last year).  This year was no different.  "Must be some kind of allergy," coach Greg Weaver explained, "and I know a thing or two about allergies."

Due to the absence of many of the Unicorns (likely due to their fear of many things fusion), the first game was open to the slaughter rule.  Luckily, though, long-time colleague of a couple 'corns, Scherry McCartney, showed up to play first base and thus canceled said rule in the second game, making the teams play the required five innings and therefore extending the torture of being utterly ripped apart.  McCartney, who brought with her two whom would cheer, would go 0-2 with a walk and a run in the series.  Mentionable highlights of the second game include homeruns by the Weaver brothers, but ultimately, though they batted an MLB-excellent 14 for 31 (.452), they could not string together their hits to counteract the potent offense of the Warriors.

Team Leaders (week of May 14th)

Unicorns hold on to Cobras

Since their first win of the year, the Unicorns of the Apocalypse have been involved in many fierce encounters with a variety of foes.

*This is part 1 of a 3-day blog series that catches fans up with the Unicorns' progress over the last few weeks.

Foe #1: Busch Cobras

The Unicorn can be both the most fragile of creatures and the fiercest of creatures.  Typically, the Unicorns of the Apocalypse, while inherently having a nature that can effectively end the world at any given moment, start out a two-game series as the former and end with the latter.  Example: Coming off of a 12-run win, the Unicorns mustered a total of two hits in the first two innings this, their next game, and came out with only four runs.  Their M.O., apparently, is to lead teams in to make them think they are just fragile little 'corns (thus the allowance of 11 runs in the first inning and VBC Softball veteran Joanna Niles suffering a strained oblique while in the field in the bottom of the 1st) until they unleash their nuclear power, as evidenced by their 5-run first inning in the second game.  Reigning MVPs Kevin "Magi-Carp" Carpenter and Elisabeth Edge returned to add to the fallout, allowing the Unicorns to spit out the venom that caused their first loss and ending their match with the Cobras in a draw.

Wins: 1
Losses: 2
Ties: 1

Go, Unicorns!

Team Leaders (week of May 7th)

The Rapture is finally upon us--Unicorns WIN!!!

A little before 9pm on Monday night, high above field #1 at Red Mill Park, clouds parted and a vision appeared.

Yes, you're seeing that correctly.  Jesus himself reappeared atop a majestic Unicorn.  Though our jerseys may show a midnight black 'corn cackle-neighing in the foreground of an atomic blast, this unicorn was a sure sign of The Rapture--the apocalypse of all apocalypses.  And it could only have come as a result of the most unlikely turn of events.

Read carefully, True Believers: The Unicorns won.

And not only did they win once, their potent offense kept the other team on their toes for the other game.

Mosquitoes Abound, Malaria Stifles Unicorns

Greg "Greaver" Weaver starts his stride...

     Last Monday was VBC Softball veteran Larry Strait's birthday and last day before going back to Iraq, and he was determined to play as hard as he could to max out his stats and try to get his first win with any VBC team he has been on.  According to him, he has always been mysteriously absent the days that VBCers have won games.

     The game didn't start off well.  The first inning retired the Unicorns in order, and the second inning had ended with only a single by "Hard 'A'" Lanah Stafford.  Meanwhile, the Unicorns' foes, the LC Stars, drew an uncharacteristic eight walks off of Bobby Weaver and drove in nine runs.  Then, for a moment, Unicorn magic happened.

Unicorns Walk in X^n Runs, Proceed to Summon Earthquake

            The moral of the story, as one Unicorn put it on Monday night, is to never take the lead in the first. 

In three out of four games played thus far, the Unicorns have taken the lead in said inning, only to lose it later on.  On this particular Monday night, Coach Greg Weaver sent Rianna “Real Time” Hoffman out to the mound to pitch her first game since mid-July, where she had a relatively mediocre outing against a tough team, ZDUB Softball.  He thought the mental rest over the break and the Unicorns’ first two games would be sufficient time to get Hoffman back closer to her mid-spring form despite Hoffman not being able to warm up for very long between her arrival and the bottom of the first.  “She was only able to throw a few pitches to me before she went out there.  They looked good and I was confident she’d settle in, but it just wasn't working tonight,” he said in a post-game interview.

Game Preview for 8/22/11

Unicorns of the Apocalypse @P.F. Chang's Warriors

Princess Anne Athletic Complex Field Red #3

6:45-8:45pm

     After last week's valiant efforts to defeat That's What She Said went fruitless, the Unicorns take on P.F. Chang's Warriors for a doubleheader Monday night.  The Warriors are currently 2-0, beating Carroll Truckers last week.  However, as seen in a previous post, the spring's P.F. Chang's team went 0-14, so there is a solid chance that the Unicorns could pull out a win.  Expect the season debuts of the acclaimed Larry Strait and Nathan Anderson.

Lineup is TBD.

Last Week's Team Leaders

Males

AVG/OBP/SLG:  Coach Greg Weaver leads the team with .800s across the board.  Greaver is bested only in SLG at the moment with his brother Bobby Weaver unsurprisingly besting him at 1.000.  B-Weaver continues to be reliable at getting extra-base hits, landing two last Monday night.

Despite First-Inning Magic, Unicorns Gracefully Lose Season Opener

If the Unicorns of the Apocalypse were as magical as,
saaaay, this here burrito unicorn, Monday night
may have ended differently.

     It was probably one of VBC Softball’s most glorious innings in the last year and a half. 

     After having lost to That’s What She Said all three times in the first part of 2011 (3-12, 4-15, 5-11), the Unicorns fielded a two-hit, two-walk first inning that saw two runs cross the plate.  The Unicorns responded with a monster seven-hit, one-walk inning that saw seven cross the plate.  To put that in perspective, in only four out of fifteen games last season did the Unicorns score seven or more runs.  The Unicorns were ecstatic and continued playing well defensively, with Romeo Villanueva taking one knee to make a crucial catch in left-center and rookie Kevin Carpenter diving low to make his own web gem in left.

Spring 2011 Superlatives Part 2

Sarah Redfield (CF/2B):

Team Sister

            Everyone enjoys the fact that Sarah comes out to hang with us during our games, regardless if she gets the chance to play or not.  She’s good at giving tips, cheering us, and quietly heckling the other teams while keeping score well.  Thanks!

Divided Loyalties

            Unfortunately, Sarah is on another softball team, and while we would never play her team, the question may arise of who she would root for in the situation that we would in fact play them in a scrimmage.  Hmmmmmmm...!