Sunday, July 31, 2011

Spring 2011 Superlatives Part 2

Sarah Redfield (CF/2B):
Team Sister
            Everyone enjoys the fact that Sarah comes out to hang with us during our games, regardless if she gets the chance to play or not.  She’s good at giving tips, cheering us, and quietly heckling the other teams while keeping score well.  Thanks!

Divided Loyalties
            Unfortunately, Sarah is on another softball team, and while we would never play her team, the question may arise of who she would root for in the situation that we would in fact play them in a scrimmage.  Hmmmmmmm...!

Rianna Schweitzer (P/1B):
Sisyphus Award
            A solid position player, Rianna has the unfortunate job of being our pitcher out of necessity.  Though her ERA climbed rather steadily after reaching its lowest point during her own midway point, she kept on pushing that rock up the hill through the last game of the season.  Your efforts were much appreciated, Rianna!

Most Likely to Call a Play that Makes No Sense
            Ever heard of Lady’s Choice?  ‘Cause apparently, after she calls Lanah up for a meeting on the mound, that’s what Rianna’s throwing.  Either that or a BL.  Or something.

Lanah Stafford (C/RF):
Most Spirited
            As far as I can tell, if you’re on the team, Lanah thinks you are awesome.  Lanah is ready to hang out with you and roast pork butts and drink beer and play rock band... or practice throwing and catching and batting.  In short, Lanah enjoys every aspect of softball, be it the social side or the athletic side.  Not only is this fun for the team, but it’s fun for our competitors since she playfully (but fiercely) heckles them on a regular basis while calling crazy plays with Rianna.  So, really, you are the awesome one, Lanah.

Best Target
            Something happens when Lanah isn’t behind the plate, and that something is that there is an explosion in Rianna’s brain that makes her unable to throw strikes like we know she can.  Maybe it really is the fact that she calls the right plays—you know, even in MLB, behind every great pitcher there is a great catcher.

Romeo Villanueva (CF):
Legging It Out
            I often yell at people to run through first even if they’re out—but not this guy.  Romeo always gives his 100% to get to base whenever he hits the ball, be it in a spot where he is in the clear or where he’s in danger.  Despite his injury, Romeo was very steady this season, and with him in the habit of jogging, I suspect that he will be even better at getting on in the fall.

Play Hard or Go Home
            Romeo has the tendency to give every single thing he does his all, whether it be legging it out, throwing from the outfield, or successfully blocking grounders.  He gives so much, in fact, that he has eaten dirt for plays more than anyone else on the team.  We’ve seen him stretch for pop flies to catch and tumble.  We’ve seen him run into Alaina.  We’ve seen him attempt to fly to second base to avoid getting tagged but then remember that humans can’t fly only to tumble to the earth.  And each time, this man got up and walked it off.

Nicholas Wasilewski (1B/CF):
Rookie of the Year Ninja Award
            It may be a little cliché to give Nick a ninja award, but let’s consider the facts.  This is Nick’s first season playing for VBC Softball and he wound up batting a .600 with an OBP of .684, topping the rest of the team.  He may not hit the ball hard (his SLG sits just a bit above his AVG at .667), but for what he lacks for in power at the moment he makes up for in speed, having beat out almost every infield hit he’s made, blooper or nay.  He also shows a lot of potential at first base, considering his great ability to stretch to catch [my] wild throws.

Most Likely to Shed Blood
            To our advantage, the infielders of our foes fear Nick because when they see him running at them at full speed, they, I imagine, feel like they’re going to get killed.  This helps us because it makes the people who gets Nick’s ball feel the need to get rid it at a faster speed; plus, the basemen are then both scared of the speed of Nick and the speed of the ball, making them miss often, which means an extra-base dash for him.
            To their advantage, Nick does things like sliding into first and diving to get balls that may not need such attention in the outfield while wearing shorts, which makes him bloody himself.  We can just continue to hope that he doesn’t get hurt in the process; though, it’s more likely that he’ll fall over from running too much than from diving and breaking his leg in turn.

Bobby Weaver (UTIL):
Utility Man
            Bobby can play any position well, which is why he’s listed on the roster as “UTIL.”  He started off pitching for us this season and basically played where others did not for the rest of the season, mostly landing him either at SS, 3B, or planted in LF.  The best part is that he’s an asset at all of these positions due to his knowledge of how to play them and his catching and throwing skills. 
            Lastly, if you’re counting DH as a position, he’s well-versed in that, as well, being the only one to give Ryan a run for his money as king slugger.  His SLG was fortified by his nine doubles and three homeruns, making it rise to 1.029 (fun fact: the next highest was .762).

He Whose Ankles are Happiest That He Isn’t Pitching
            Lest you forgot,  Bobby’s ankles got whopped last year by being targets for hard-hit softballs, making them unhappy.  Now look at them!

Gregory Weaver (SS/3B):
Ye Whose Strike Zone is Impossible to Judge
            I joked about getting walked by every team, but it was almost true.  Aside from That’s What She Said, every team walked me, throwing my six walks to the top of the charts and putting my .630 OBP at a solid second.

Overly-Ambitious Base Coach
            I not only lead Romeo to his flight of doom at second base, but I feel like I could have garnered the reputation for being overly-ambitious when people are rounding third.  The lesson is, if I’m telling you to go and the rest of the team is telling you to hold up, you might not want to listen to me.

Most Likely to Put His Girlfriend on the Roster
            I swear she’ll play a game one of these days!

To the Entire Unicorns Pitching Staff:
The Sigh Young Award
            I would have given out a Cy Young Award for the season, but… it’s hard to give one out when the base-on-balls—the “bane of our pitching staff,” as Bobby put it so well in the blog—makes us struggle so much.  Our WHIP is a staggering 5.94, allowing for an ERA of 19.15.   Unfortunate still is that for every two batters that get a hit we walk over one batter.  When we average only about 6.46 runs per game, these numbers look even worse.   Let’s sigh young as a franchise and look to improve our numbers next season!

Thanks again to both the Unicorns of the Apocalypse and our fans!  
Keep looking here for more posts and join us at our games in August!

From left to right, back to front: Mary Hasan, Romeo Villanueva, Matt Portner,
Nick Wasilewski, Ryan Cahill, Lanah Stafford, Alaina Coletti, Elisabeth Edge,

Bobby Weaver, Joanna Niles, Rianna Schweitzer.  Also in the photo
is an irate-looking Irena Hasan, who doesn't seem to like the sun glare.


  1. Entertaining post! And have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE wordplay? Because that Sigh Young dig is AWESOME. Anyway, sounds like a lovely team (with some stunna shades to boot!) -- numbers aren't everything!

    And unfortunately, that's quite a promise that Gregory Weaver makes here... -_-;

  2. Quite a promise, you say? Do you have some kind of inside information to think otherwise...? Some fans are so eager for her to reveal her abilities that she has to cave in sometime...

  3. I just say no to peer pressure!