Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Unicorns Come and Go as the Season of Death Beckons

            Fans that come out to the first game of the season might initially look at the team as one might look at a toad born in the Chernobyl zone—as something horribly deformed, yet strangely familiar.  And in the midst of the apocalypse and fall, that could be just what the harbingers of death on the softball diamond need to decimate their opponents.  With veterans of VBC Softball setting off to do other things this fall, some new Unicorns will take the field—a few with familiar faces.

6 Out
1. Matt Portner - This isn’t the first fall that Portner will miss due to school.  Hopefully, it’ll be his last, but grad school isn’t a kind mistress.  He told Greg Weaver that he might be available as a late-game sub if needed.

2. PruchaAfter having a career season, Prucha is deciding to revel in his high stats and take a breather this fall.  He also might be available as an as-needed sub.

3. Ryan Cahill - School almost kept Cahill down last fall, but while one can avoid that trap once, s/he is more vulnerable the second time around, apparently.  The Unicorns will surely miss the skills and the good nature of their MVP.

4. Joanna Niles - Like boyfriend like girlfriend, Niles will also be out for school, even after studying for an extended period of time this summer in France.

5. Alaina Coletti - She had a whole post written about her since she was the first to announce that she would not return next season.  Read that!

6. Mary Hasan - Hasan announced that she will take a break from fall ball.  She asked the coach not to kill her—lucky for her, her fate was favorable due to the skipper finding an apt replacement and her opting to stay on the team mailing list.

6 In
1. Larry Strait - Undoubtedly the most anticipated return of the fall season, Strait will return from Baghdad in August and rejoin the team.  Strait has been a prime player for VBC Softball since its inception as the Yetis, and will likely be the person to beat for the fall MVP award.

2. Kevin Carpenter - Carpenter debuted with the Unicorns during their final game this season.  Check out Bobby Weaver’s write-up for more info.

3. Rachel Matteo -The Unicorns excitedly pulled up their number one female prospect from the minors for the fall after she (also excitedly) agreed to come up.

4. Nathan Anderson - The first half of a package deal that included the below prospect, Anderson brought his best to the Unicorns’ sub-heavy game this year, going 1 for 1 with a run.

5. Mel Di Domenico -The second half of said package, Di Domenico also joined the Unicorns for the same game, showing presence as catcher and eagerness at the plate.

Unicorn of the Archpocalypse
by Leslie Paxton
6. Leslie Paxton - Paxton technically stems from the minor league pool that’s comprised of Virginia Arts Festival employees even though she is not actually employed by them.  Megan DiPaolo, Alaina Coletti, and Mary Hasan before her, Lanah Stafford with her, Paxton has a lot of passion to match.  Judging by this picture that is circulating the Internet that she apparently constructed, one might say that she is more than ready.

Your Unicorns of the Fallpocalypse:
Gregory Weaver
Bobby Weaver
Romeo Villanueva
Nicholas Wasilewski
Larry Strait
Nathan Anderson
Kevin Carpenter

Elisabeth Edge
Rianna Hoffman*
Lanah Stafford
Rachel Matteo
Melissa Di Domenico
Leslie Paxton

Potential Subs
Matt Portner
Dave Longfellow**
Sarah Redfield
Jen Doo
Christine Foust**
*Editor’s Note: Fans should note that Rianna Schweitzer’s last name has changed.  Has she a fresh name for a fresh team?
**Editor’s Note: Have yet to be informed.

1 comment:

  1. Fallpocalypse...Archpocalypse... and the wordplay continues!

    Sad to see so many good players leaving...especially for... school?! Preposterous!

    Is there no ** by my name because this blog post has now informed me that I'm on the potential subs list?