The Rapture is finally upon us--Unicorns WIN!!!

A little before 9pm on Monday night, high above field #1 at Red Mill Park, clouds parted and a vision appeared.

Yes, you're seeing that correctly.  Jesus himself reappeared atop a majestic Unicorn.  Though our jerseys may show a midnight black 'corn cackle-neighing in the foreground of an atomic blast, this unicorn was a sure sign of The Rapture--the apocalypse of all apocalypses.  And it could only have come as a result of the most unlikely turn of events.

Read carefully, True Believers: The Unicorns won.

And not only did they win once, their potent offense kept the other team on their toes for the other game.

Unicorns' Inaugural Year Ends with Low Runs but High Spirits

            “We didn’t expect this season to be easy, but we sure didn’t expect this record,” Skipper Greg Weaver commented after the Unicorns fell in their last two games to end the season 0-14.  “Then again, it’s not a surprising outcome, us being VBC and all.  That’s just how we roll.”

            It was baffling to the Unicorns that the game went as poorly as it did, though.  Essentially, the Carroll Truckers were just hitting it exactly where the Unicorns weren’t—there weren’t an usual number of errors made.  Yet, somehow, the Unicorns lost the first game 28-2, and lost the second game (y=|X|+28)-1, where Y is a number greater than the Truckers’ run total in the first game and X is an unknown variable approaching infinite. 

The dreaded base-on-balls wasn’t even a harsh factor in the games.  B-Weave posted only five walks in the first game.  That number was his second best all season.  But, he gave up 28 hits.  While that total is cringe-inducing, the second game was even worse—so much so, in fact, that the run total gave the skipper temporary memory loss while he was in the field, resulting in a lack of any records of MagiCarp’s pitching. 

To put the strangeness in perspective, the Truckers, the team that placed third, outhit the second-place team at a ratio of 2.5 to 1.  The numbers were closer to the first-place team: 19 for the first game and 27 for the second versus 28 and z=|X|, where z has an error margin of approximately 5.  The first-place team in the division was the one that was made up of Krakens.  In short, the games were simply unbelievable.  Interviewing the Unicorns led to the following possible explanations:

Mosquitoes Abound, Malaria Stifles Unicorns

Greg "Greaver" Weaver starts his stride...

     Last Monday was VBC Softball veteran Larry Strait's birthday and last day before going back to Iraq, and he was determined to play as hard as he could to max out his stats and try to get his first win with any VBC team he has been on.  According to him, he has always been mysteriously absent the days that VBCers have won games.

     The game didn't start off well.  The first inning retired the Unicorns in order, and the second inning had ended with only a single by "Hard 'A'" Lanah Stafford.  Meanwhile, the Unicorns' foes, the LC Stars, drew an uncharacteristic eight walks off of Bobby Weaver and drove in nine runs.  Then, for a moment, Unicorn magic happened.

Unicorns, Writers Black Out

The Unicorns were hurt so much by the powers of the
Kraken that it continued to ail them a week later.

     All of the feel-good from the stellar "all-girl-and-Romeo" defense was put to rest two Mondays ago as the Unicorns raced the number two lead in the division, the Renegades.

Game 1
Top of the 1st: F1, 6-3, F7.
Mid 1st: "Wait, we already batted?" - Anonymous, heard from the dugout
Bottom 1st: First four batters score.

Mythical Kraken Robs Hits, Unicorns Come Out Alive

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” – Nietzsche

“But more importantly we didn’t get killed.” – Nietzsche’s Unicorn

Bob "Dad" Weaver played with the two
original VBC Softball teams, the Yetis
and the Werewolves.  He returned to action
with the Unicorns on September 12th. 

     The Unicorns took the field against the EVW Highwaymen at Princess Anne Field Red #2 at 6:45pm one girl short and spirits waning.  Only nine Unicorns were available at the start of the game, the 12-run rule was in effect, and they were against the team tied for first in the division.  The end result: two decently-played games.

     Prior the games, there were deliberations on how changes should be made to the lineups and to the fielding positions.  LF Larry Strait likes to call the outcome the “all-girl infield”—an idea meant to bolster our outfield, especially in games against teams that place high in the division.  There were two key moves: moving Romeo Villanueva from RC to 1B and solidifying Rachel Matteo at SS.

     Villanueva has been getting better in the outfield game-by-game.  When positioned well, he makes excellent snags and is consistently a solid groundball fielder.  However, the RC position seemed to be a position better fit for someone who could cover more ground.  Not only does the fielder have to have the ability to quickly chase down balls that may go over his or her head or get down well in front, s/he also has to back up the player in RF.  Villanueva now, when in the lineup, takes place of Nicholas Wasilewski, the fastest player on the team, at 1B.  This positioning inherently breaks the tag “all-girl” (as does the pitcher position), but the name continues to stick.

     Matteo proved her glove worthy of an infield position during the games versus Rewire.  During that series, she played 3B and made many good stops.  To incorporate her in the infield with other solely-infield players such as Rianna Hoffman and Elisabeth Edge, Greg Weaver, who had been playing SS since the spring, was moved into the outfield.  Matteo’s proof of worthiness for the position was capped when she turned a season-first double-play in the second game.

     With the new defense, the Unicorns and pitcher Bobby Weaver held the first-place team to 13 runs in the first game and 9 in the second, the team’s two lowest earned-run totals of the season.

     Unfortunately, the EVW Highwaymen would not take lightly to our defense.  To counter it, they summoned the Silencer of Seamen, Terror of the Tides, the Un-doer of the Unborn: the Cankerous Kraken.  In the first game, he was involved in 9 of the 12 outs; in the second, 7 of 21.  He stood 6’7”.  Limbs seemed to spout from every orifice of his being, all of them fortified with gloves.  He was a monster at limiting runs through his inconceivable range and quickness of arm.

     Other members of the Highwaymen revealed themselves to be giant squid as well, as it seemed that 80% of the males were over six-feet tall.  These squid lowered significantly the batting averages of the Unicorns—the team went .253/.331/.273 in the series.  If one created a line using the lowest numbers of all of the other series combined, it would read .401/.451/.533.  If one created a line using the lowest numbers of all of the series in franchise history, it would read .355/.403/.475.  Ouch.

Notes
- VBC Softball welcomed back veteran Bob Weaver, father of B-Weave and Greaver, as he made his first appearance as a Unicorn, filling in for Greaver, who was dealing with a jammed thumb, in the second game.  He went 0 for 2 batting, but posted a perfect fielding percentage at 1B, getting 5 batters out.
- B-Weave and Kevin MagiCarpenter continued to impress while pitching, making their way out of the candidacy for this season’s Sigh Young award.  B-Weave lowered his WHIP to 4.63 and struck three out while MagiCarp lowered his own WHIP to 4.50 and struck out four.

Team Leaders, Week of 8/12

Males

AVG/OBP/SLG: B-Weave (AVG leader; .647/.684/1.000) and MagiCarp (OBP/SLG leader; .643/.688/1.143) continue to battle for the top spot.

RBI: Carpenter continues his dominance, moving up to 11 for the season.

Females

AVG/OBP/SLG: The squids caught everyone’s balls, and the ladies are no exceptions.  Edge holds the AVG (.333), “Real Time” Rianna Hoffman holds the OBP (.438), and Matteo holds the SLG (.385).

RBI: Lanah Stafford pulls out on top with 3.

After Sixth Straight Loss, Unicorns Attempt Reform

The Incredible Hulkicorn attempts to smash Rewire.
Notice that they're all still smiling.
(edit: Leslie Paxton proclaims that Hulkicorn is in fact ready to
"slake his thirst" upon Rewire)

The good news: The Unicorns are noting and fixing their problems.

The bad news: They didn't do it in time to face a team with a losing record that was once just as bad as theirs is.

     Kevin Carpenter, known to two as MagiCarp, took the mound for the first time last week.  The week prior, he told Coach Weaver that he was a little bashful about pitching in a game since the last time he pitched (which was for a different team) he was told that he was a terrible pitcher.  His feeling on the matter led Weaver to start Rianna Hoffman that week, but after those games, Weaver could not afford not to play Carpenter against Rewire.

     The result: six innings, a 4.17 ERA, and a WHIP of 4.17--the second best start of the season.  Carpenter was able to successfully locate and pitch to contact most of the time, and when contact wasn't made, he struck out more than he walked.  Only five walks were issued--a season high--and eight strikeouts were recorded--a franchise high.  In one game, he was able to compete with some of the best performances by Hoffman at her prime last season.

Game Preview for 8/29/11

Unicorns of the Apocalypse vs. REWIRE

Princess Anne Athletic Complex Field Red #2

8:45-10:45pm

Leslie Paxton and her horn.  The silver
coming down from her scalp is pure
silvery magic (not a strap).

     Between the disasters of yestergames and now, two significant things happened.  

     One: the Incredible Hulkicorn (see last post) ripped through the earth.  It continues to make its way to Virginia Beach, smashing everyone and everything in its path (yes, that includes Hurricane Irene), and plans to secure the field for us prior to tomorrow night.  Word is that if we lose to REWIRE he will proceed to eat them and smash their souls.

     Two: RF Leslie Paxton's birthday was on Thursday.  She decided to channel the magic of unicorns everywhere and forged the horn that you see growing out from her skull.  Some of those in attendance at her soiree also showed to have horns bursting out of their brains into the warm evening air, including Greg Weaver, Lanah Stafford, and a bunch of others that were just affected by the might of that magic.

     Hulkicorn making REWIRE quiver in fear of certain consequences and channeling birthday'corn magic should allow for the Unicorns to procure victory tomorrow night.  REWIRE is the only other team in the division with an 0-4 record, so defeating them twice could bring the Unicorns up quite a bit in the division depending on how the other teams play.

     Kevin Carpenter will make his premiere start on the mound at 8:45.